No matter where you are from, you will have natural tendencies that all other humans have.

Let’s say that you walk into a room, looking for a place to sit. There’s one bench, with a person sitting on the end. You comfortably sit on the other end of the bench.

Now, let’s change that to say there are two benches. Even though the person in the room is still sitting on the end of one bench, you will undoubtedly sit on the other bench.

Why?

Because we all have calculations running through our heads, telling us what the geometrical space around us should be for the given situation.

When I lived in Japan, there were times that I needed to travel to Tokyo in the morning. When I would get onto the train, I was accompanied by hundreds of others, also heading to Tokyo in the morning. I was in rush hour.

Now, Japan’s trains normally look about this crowded:

Now, imagine another 200-300 people in this one train car, and you will have a better image of what the trains look like in the morning on the way to Tokyo.

It was crowded, and I struggled to stay upright, especially when we’d hit the turns. Normally, I would be standing somewhere in the middle of the car, without access to the handles. So, when we’d turn, the whole group of people in the car would lean together, and I wouldn’t be able to stand up again, until the people (usually men) around me stood back straight up.

In Japan, this is all normal, and no one thinks twice about the invasion of space.

However, when in a different situation (at restaurants, for example), the Japanese will also observe the space rules of going where there are fewer people, until all the space is taken up.

Recently, I met up with a fantastic Japanese woman who I became friends with in Japan. They recently moved to America, and so I took the time to go visit them. When she saw me, she came right up to me and without hesitation, put her hands on my belly (I was pregnant and really showing by this point), asking how the baby was doing, how I was doing, etc.

And I wasn’t put off by it one bit (Japan must’ve done something to my own personal space standards). In fact, I was touched by how motherly the action was. It had been a few years since we’d seen each other, but her action immediately reinstated how close we really were.

Now, I have a really hard time imagining an American using the same gesture, because they would think it awkward and uncomfortable to invade someone’s personal space in that way.

Cultural paradigms strike once again. There is no right or wrong answer here, just differences in how we view things based on our cultural background.

Comment!

• Have you ever had someone tell you that you were too close to them, or that you needed to get out of their “bubble?”
• What is the size of your personal space bubble?

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