What kind of children do we want to raise? Where do we want society to end up? How do we want out futures to be?

To answer those questions, we need to take the time to break it down and analyze things from the viewpoint of the individual and the collective group.

If I were to answer the questions:

• What kind of children do I want to raise (both in my home and in my classroom)?
• Where do I want society to end up? And
• How do I want my future to be?

I would say:

• I want my children to be independent, strong-willed, loving, kind, gracious, just, and true at all times. I want them to know they are loved, and I want them to be able to love those around them.
• I want society as a whole to be more thoughtful. I want a society full of thinkers who can make their own decisions, but choose to make the right ones. And
• Even though right now, I want freedom to go where I choose and do what I want, I know that one day I’ll be old (hopefully I make it there) and frail and unable to take care of myself, and I’ll want my children or loved ones to be close by, taking good care of me.

But there’s a problem with my desires.

I want to be individualistic and raise individualistic children, but I also want them to put others above themselves.

My father’s health hasn’t been well for the last decade or so. While I lived with them (because I wasn’t an adult yet), I helped out where I could (though admittedly, I didn’t do as much as I could have). But then, it came time for my high school graduation, and then college.

I left home, completely disregarding the fact that maybe, just maybe, I could have stayed home with my parents to make sure that they were taken care of. I could have worked to support their income, through some of their hardest times.

I mean, they raised me for 18 years. And what have I given them in return? I currently live over 2,000 miles away (and plan on moving to Japan, which is even further away), and have no plans to return to my home.

Now, I’ve heard some people argue that there isn’t anything wrong with it. “You move on with your life, and they’ll take care of themselves.” And I bought into that for a long time.

But when I’m old, I want my kids to take care of me, not some stranger at a nursing home that may or may not actually care about me! …Then shouldn’t I be doing the same for my Mom and Dad?

Hold on. I should clarify, my parents are doing well, overall. My five siblings and their families all live within 30 minutes from my home, and if anything comes up, my parents have a great familial support group to fall back on. And maybe, once I’ve graduated, I can save up and make sure that when both of my parents are unable to work, I can help them out, like they’ve helped me throughout the years (again, 18 years’ worth of raising+all my expenses…).

I don’t like the thought of having my parents stay in a nursing home. Not one bit!

But I feel that there are a lot of people out there who don’t bat an eye at the prospect of sending their folks to a nursing home, good or bad. After all, they’re “too busy,” “too poor,” and “already have too much” on their plates to take care of anyone else, even their parents.

This is one of the problems with individualistic thinking: we forget to help others and we put our needs above theirs.

Why I Like Being in an Individualistic Society

As a mom, I can already say how grateful I am that my (almost) two-year-old daughter is very independent!

First, she does well with babysitters. I don’t have to worry about her having an anxiety attack every time I leave her in someone else’s care.

Second, she does well in new situations. She doesn’t freak out when things are completely different from what she’s used to. She just adapts and accepts it.

Third (and this is both good and bad), she feels comfortable around large groups of people. We take her onto the college campus all the time, and she loves it! She gets excited when she sees lots of people.

She knows what she wants. What she likes and doesn’t like. And that makes my job a little easier, sometimes.

Besides the perks of having an independent child, there are some other great things about individualistic societies:

• Creativity is encouraged.
• Punishment goes only to the culprit.
• My success relies on my own personal effort.
• I can live what I believe is right without social obligations.
• I can go where I want to go and do what I want to do.

What I Like About Collective Societies

In a collective society, there is less crime, and more respect given to adults.

I lived in Japan for just over a year, and while I was there, I always felt like I was being taken care of. If I looked lost, someone would take notice and ask if I needed any help. If I asked anyone a question, they would answer it honestly, giving me any help that they thought I may need, even if it put them out a little.

I volunteered as an English teacher while I was there, and passed out flyers. Sometimes, while I was standing outside, advertising our English class, older women would stop for a little chat, disappear into a nearby store, and present me with treats they bought, because they thought I might be hungry!

The Japanese people don’t do things they believe would cause trouble for others. They also do a lot of self-maintenance. For example, in the restrooms, there are sanitizer dispensers inside the stalls, so that you can use toilet paper and the sanitizer to quickly clean the toilet seat after you’ve used it, making it clean for the next person.

I always felt deeply moved by the kindness and care I experienced in Japan. And although I understand that it comes at a price, there are a lot of things we could learn from them.

The (Almost) Perfect Blend

Because nothing I make will ever be perfect, I feel I should add my own grain of salt, so you don’t have to. After all, this is my personal opinion.

If I were to make the perfect blend of people who were both individualistic and collectively minded, I would make a group of people with these characteristics:

• Independent, but recognizes that nobody can do everything alone 100% of the time, so they also are interdependent, relying honestly on others, and being there when others need them.
• Spend a lot of time with other people, engaged in meaningful activities. By meaningful, I do not mean fun. I mean that they help build relationships. Chores can help build relationships. Volunteer work can help build relationships. Schoolwork can help build relationships.
• They respectfully take the advice of their elders, but before they act, they have also thought it through for themselves.
• They are hardworking, and do their part. They can work well in groups, focusing more on whether everyone in the group understands than on the grade they may get from working together.
• Taking care of others as much as they take care of themselves.

The biggest problem with individualistic thinking is selfishness.

The biggest problem with collective thinking is self-deprecation.

So, I just want to quote a man I believe has had it right all along. Jesus said,

“Love thy neighbor as thyself.”

This means that we take care of others as much as we take care of ourselves. We need to take care of ourselves! But we need to take care of others to the same degree that we do for ourselves.

Your Thoughts?

• Which kind of culture would you most enjoy living in?
• What are some pros/cons of the two different types of cultures that you’ve seen or experienced?

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