I was having a hard time concentrating. Nothing is going right. My thoughts mumbled over and over. What do I do?

It was another moment when I realized that things just weren’t working out for me the way they always had seemed to, when I was younger. Back then, I was resilient, athletic, goofy, loyal, and overall beaming with happiness (so much so that you either loved being around me, or hated my guts).

But now, here I was, coming to terms with my current reality…

(I suppose I should really use the word “am”)

Here I am, coming to terms with the reality that:

• I’m not athletic anymore. I can barely do a single monkey bar swing before my arms give out, and I go crashing to the ground.
• I am harsher when it comes to those around me, and it almost seems like I’m angry all the time (an exaggeration, but it’s what it feels like).
• Overall, though, I feel like it’s impossible to come bounding back from those bouts of depression that seem to be creeping out of left field—each time returning faster than the last.

And all that hit me really hard today: that even though I’m doing all the things I had dreamed of doing—being happily married, mothering children of my own, getting my degree in education, and striking it out on my own—I don’t feel like I’m doing enough.

It never feels like enough. In fact, it feels as though I’m struggling to stay afloat in an ocean of treacherous waves. Struggling, I occasionally reach the surface, but only long enough to get the air I so desperately need to keep going. I can always see the shore I’m trying to reach, but it feels like I’ll never get there.

The waves are strong; they hit hard. They may knock me into the rocks far from shore. But what can I do—give up and leave myself to drown or be attacked? No way!

So, I decide to always keep fighting, regardless of the emotional struggle I always face—the one that asks, am I enough?

Well, the truth is, I am enough.

Or, that’s what I figured I would someday discover, after I’d managed to get anywhere closer to shore. Thankfully, I caught a glimpse of that conviction tonight!

So, here’s how. There’s been quite a few things leading up to it, actually.

First, and possibly foremost, I have support. In my case, my biggest support is my husband, who has been with me nonstop for the last 3 and a half years. He has NEVER given up on me (although there are times when I wonder why). He always says that I am perfect for him, and that he sees someone in me that is leagues above him (which, again, I struggle to accept these overwhelmingly positive sentiments). Always there to laugh with me—when I’m not being too serious to get the jokes—and care for me when I don’t see reason to care for myself, he is just a stellar man. If I didn’t have his constant support, I would probably still be the robotic-like shell of a person who was great at everything except for fun.

For the most part, he’s the one taking the brunt of it all. Yep. My husband. And the other One taking a lot of the burden is God.

God hears my prayers every day, and every night. And tonight, I really needed Him to hear them. You see, I’ve stayed up too late tonight. When I do that, I get too tired to reason away my negative feelings. So instead of trying to combat them on my own, I might wake up my husband. Or, if I know he’s way too asleep to talk, I’ll cry in my prayers to my Heavenly Father, just like I did tonight.

You know that feeling, when your toes finally touch the bottom of the shallower end of the pool, after you’ve been swimming and swimming in the deep end, and you’re so tired?

That moment—that feeling of relief—came to me today. It was soft. It was calm. It was as warm as a breeze in the summer time, but as refreshing as a glass of ice-cold water. It filled my heart, and said, “Keep fighting those big waves. Don’t worry. You’re going to be just fine.”

The feeling I got next was that I was supposed to write this post, to share what I felt. But, honestly, I know now that it wasn’t for your sake. It was for mine, because as I began writing the words,

…I’m doing all the things I had dreamed of doing—being happily married, mothering children of my own, getting my degree in education, and striking it out on my own…,

it became clear to me just how well I am doing.

And then, I also found this quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in my scripture bag:

Please remember tomorrow, and all the days after that, that the Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the need for commandments and try to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You, April 2016, General Conference

While I was at it, I read something else in my scripture bag. My Patriarchal Blessing, which has been lovingly kept in my scripture case for as long as I can remember having it, has been a help to remind me just how hard I can try (for more on what a Patriarchal Blessing is, please read this). It reminds me what my goal is, and the steps I need to take to get there. It reminds me of people who love me, and that God loves me as His daughter.

Overall, I am feeling very encouraged, and all that came from my simple but sincere cry for help in a prayer I trusted would be answered.

God has always answered my deepest prayers, and I know that He will continue to do so. I can’t say that I’m ever alone when I remember how often those answers have indeed come.

I know this post was somewhat a detour from the norm, but this is a big part of who I am, and honestly, I’m glad I could have shared this experience with you.

With that, good night everyone (or good day, depending on when you read this :)! Please remember you can always leave an extra uplifting comment below! I look forward to reading them!